Grin and Bear it

Grin and Bear it. This expression dates back to the 1700s going to show that people were accustomed to face misfortune and bad things with a good humor realizing that they were not in a position to change anything. It goes on as much today as it did 300 years ago or even earlier. I see it all around me in many of my dealings with the World. Much of it is a reminder that there is the expectation that one must compromise, it is a stark reminder that you are not as important as you thought you were. It is the answer that says, "Sorry I A'int here, I am Busy" when someone calls out, "Where Art Thou?" At that point you decide that the only option is to suffer pain in a stoic manner, and realize that you are much lower in priority than you imagined. These are realities of our lived experience, yet we do not seem to learn them well and probably not teach them well either. Consider how often aspirations and dreams are shattered and the person is simply reminded, "life is not fair." Indeed it is not, expectations are usually not met, and in an increasingly self-absorbed World the "other" disappears from sight in the immediacy of the busy ness of life. Choices face us constantly and we go through a process of prioritizing, and within that, self-interest plays the most important role. The experience with COVID was telling, the conflict between the maskers and the non-maskers, when masks could have reduced the number who died, the issue was self-interest. The fundamental aspect of "I really do not care how you feel," "You really are not that important to me" led to the sense that those who do not like the way things are being done, must simply grin and bear it. It is a society that we have built, we have nurtured, where we have simultaneously said "you are important and you decide your life" and "you are not that important because you are low in priority." Which one is true? Which does one go by? We have encouraged an eco system of entitlement without considering how much compromises hurt. In a World of opportunity costs - what will I loose if I choose one action over another - becomes the way in which we make decision. As the term suggests there is a cost - someone is paying for each choice we make. The sense of entitlement leads to the shock that I was not chosen. I became the opportunity cost, and someone else got the job. Each such rejection - from a personal one to a professional one - can slowly eat away at the sense of self-esteem. Each is a reminder that you do not matter, and in such moment we have to find the inner strength to smile about it and push it away as another bad thing that happened in life and you start to measure up the good and the bad at some point and realize you are actually losing, shorter of breath and one day closer to death (as stated by Pink Floyd). Some manage the rejections well, others suffer more, I have seen the whole spectrum amongst my students and bondhus. For myself, when I look back at my writings when I was a teen ager I see that sense of entitlement that I too suffered from. The years have taught me that I really do not matter. As I am sure many of my readers can look back and say when will this stop. How long do we have to grin and bear it and write it off to experience. In college, we dealt with this and some intelligent person, eventually tired of grinning and bearing it, said "kata." A term that essentially is a polite equivalent of a "f" word followed by "it." At some point one must say that when one finally realizes where one stands in any element of life - from a professional sphere to the regime of relationships. The kata moment is not only a moment of recognizing that one has been dealt an unfair hand, but then life is not supposed to be fair, but also finally saying that it does not matter. It is moment when one says - do whatever you want to do with me - I really do not care anymore. It is a a deadly point of personal submission to the powers that surround you - because it is not a solution but a drug that treats the symptoms. The pain that comes from realizing that you were not a priority is drowned in kata. But does the self really drown? Can a person who feels entitled be completely rid of self-esteem? Numerous regimes have tried to do that, but in the end, we get over kata and I decided that I own the narrative of my life.  In that narrative, no matter where I am placed in the priority, I will always acknowledge the one who says, "Where Art Thou?" with a resounding "Here I Am." No matter who calls. To me, therein lies the answer to "grin and bear it." To actually smile and extend the hand and remind the other person, yes you matter, and you are not the lowest point in my priority even if I am in yours. I have increasingly moved to that place, knowing that I will always have to grin and bear it, but simultaneously always say, "Aachi." I am here, call on me. It is like Carole King said, "You just call out my name."